82932201

I'm flying to Los Angeles tomorrow. All signs tell me that the best thing for me right now would be to work there until I learn everything my brother can teach me about computers, business, and the entertainment industry.

This change is so sudden. My life has been consumed lately with the denial of preparation for this action. Now I have to look it in the face and meet it with poise and dignity.

I keep on dwelling on the idea that I could have got a job here if I had looked harder, if I had interviewed better, if I had woken up earlier and ironed my shirts. But, there's no use in these thoughts now. I'll pack them up and use them as future reminders, in case I ever find myself in a similar situation again.

My life in the past 48 hours: I'm playing bass, roommate's on guitar, and Nic is singing the lyrics to a song we've never thought before. It started as a conversation with a rhythm, and suddenly it's a piece of music. We go to the bar. A girl I've known for awhile, a friend of a friend, is broken-hearted. She's saying things that make me think I should make a pass at her. "You're a cute guy. Why don't you have a girlfriend?" "I dig skinny guys." "Can I see your cock?" I can't respond. I feel sick. My focus is elsewhere. I don't know it now, but something is about to change suddenly. Food poisoning. I think it's the drinks at first, but after the first 8 or so hours of vomiting, I recognize the cruel journey through food poisoning. For about 18 hours total, my body's response to any decision is to vomit. At any second, I could be sweating or shivering. My lower back is in pain from sitting on the edge of the bathtub and leaning over the toilet for so long.

When I finally am able to eat again, I get a call from Los Angeles. It's the owner of the business my brother works for. She wants to interview me on monday, so I'm flying down. She asks if I've figured out moving yet. I hope that through my sickly mind, I was able to project a very serious attitude for her, but I'm sure it doesn't matter that much. My brother is recommending me, and she trusts everything he says.

Now, I've spent all day trying to figure out how I'm going to get back here and move my things down to Los Angeles. I'm kinda hoping I don't have to. If I got down there, and they told me they didn't want me, I would not be the least bit disappointed, but I'm not going to consciously sabotage the interview. However, I can't speak for the saboteur extraordinare that is my subconscious mind. I would like to say that I'm going to keep him in check, but that subconscious mind of mine has an amazing ability for sabotaging relationships it finds to be uncomfortable or too intense. I can only hope I don't screw this up.

No, really, I'm hoping that.

Hmmm... I don't know if I believe that either.