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I'm back at my old desk, in Portland. Actually, it's not my desk, and soon, I'll never see it again.

Tomorrow, I'm going to pack up all of my things and ship to Los Angeles what I cannot do without or carry on a train. Rather, that sentence should read, next week, I am going to get on a train with all that I cannot send in the mail or give/throw away.

I am thinking of leaving my stereo where it is. It's been with Becky for months, and I've been meaning to retrieve it for as long a time. I met her through this diaryland insanity, and never felt able to get in touch with the real her. All I knew was her copy, her simulation I keep in my mind.

That which I knew, I loved; but when we are speaking of knowledge, and "real," there are always bounds of certainty that exist.

I never tell anybody about this weblog. I've thought about creating something that was more about what I do than about what goes on inside my head, but have never found the time. Fiction is also a worthwhile activity, but never flows freely as my first-person narrative. I need this. This is my medicine. Anonymity cleanses.

I've tried to update recently, but my days have been spent taking apart, fixing, and reassembling Powerbooks and old iMacs. I took that job in L.A., and now I'm back in Portland to claim my property. I'm going to enjoy it. It fits well with my logical side.

I ate two fortune cookies the day I left for Los Angeles. In this order: "You will soom(sp) embark on a business venture." "Your mind is creative, original and alert." If there's any relevance to these prophetic desserts, I'm sure there's significance in the misspelling of "soon." If this venture doesn't bear fruit quickly, I may have to move back to Portland and take my advice from my last entry. I would not mind that at all.

I am certian that 1) There is no significance to that fortune cookie. 2) This venture will be quite fruitful. 3) I will never feel a personal connection with another human being for a long time.

I do have one connection, my brother. I'm not counting that, though, because he's family. I need something beyond that, or closer than that. I need love. I do not like Hollywood girls.

I have a vague idea of what a brother is. I I have no idea what a brother does. I wonder if I'm a good brother. I never consider what Aristotle would say.

I haven't seen my other brother since he got back from that stupid war. There is not enough time to express all of the anxiety this causes me. I hate georgewbush.

I don't think I should leave my stereo with Becky. Were her eyes brown or green? This sentence is false.

She is a beautiful person, but I should probably never see her again after this weekend, and even then, only in three dimensions. She won't miss me.

I'm going to miss Nic, and these images I keep. All we ever know is images, therefore what is real is never what we know. Los Angeles is run by images. It gets so that it becomes difficult to feel what is real. I'll work hard to understand this feeling. I want to keep it forever, but that isn't what feelings are for.