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I smoked a cigarette tonight. I've been smoking a lot lately, almost once a week. For me, that is a lot.

A certain tightness in my chest urged me to smoke. I couldn't relax, I just wanted to punch something, I needed a release. I was at work, and we had already closed, so I tried swearing loudly and hitting a few things, but that didn't help, so I bummed a cigarette.

Usually cigarettes are an instant reminder of why I don't smoke, but the cigarette I had last week felt like the best idea ever after I dragged it down. This one was just okay, but satisfying nonetheless.

I wasn't even supposed to work today, but I called in to check my schedule, and they asked me to, so I did. I've been working so little lately, that it's really nice to come home with an extra $60 knowing that I've also got my hourly wage coming on my next paycheck.

Still, money is just money. It doesn't feel that good. There was a time when I would try to get by on $20 a week. I need to start living like that again.