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Sometimes we say things we don't mean, and sometimes we never say the things we really mean to. Sometimes the truth comes out at the wrong moment, and sometimes the truth is just one person's opinion.

Sometimes the wrong chemicals fill my head, resulting in irrational behavior. This scares me. I made an appointment to deal with these chemicals, and the actions they produce. I don't want to scare anybody else.

I don't hate you.

I don't blame you.

I don't feel embarassed.

I don't trust you either. Whenever you start to be nice to me, I become very suspiscious. Maybe it's those chemicals again, but maybe I'm wise to suspect that you'll always have bad intentions.

I did like it though, when we could ignore all tension and animosity and pretend we were just two people enjoying each other's company. If I could pick one moment to use as a defining moment, a snapshot that could acurately portray the relationship I had to you, I would pick the walk home from the 30th aniversary party: the uncomfortable clothes, the stillness in the air, the reflection I caught of your eyes in the window of the light-rail train where I couldn't tell if I was looking at you or you were at me. A collection of images is all we ever had.

-Tony

P.S. I don't like any of your friends either.