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I was rather surprised by some of the negative reactions to my survey. I was more suprised by how many of you got the answers wrong (I'm kidding, except for question 5, which I take rather seriously.) I created it for two reasons: 1) because I purchased gold membership almost a year ago simply because I felt that Andrew deserved some kickback for this community he created, yet I haven't yet taken advantage of any of the resources it offers, and 2) because I never get any feedback on diaryland, so I might as well start demanding it in some way.

I've filled out the survey myself now. My questions were very random, and I didn't put a lot of thought into them, but I felt they were very appropriate questions for getting to know a person's personality. I think I'm going to start asking these questions to people I meet for the first time.

Here are my answers. If you haven't taken the survey yet, please take it before you read my answers.

1. Who are you? How did you get here? Where were you on the night of June 4th, 1999?

My name is tony. I created this survey, yet take no responsibility for it. Ummm... June 4th, 1999, I was in Colorado, doing something. I really have no idea.

2. What is the last thing you ate? Was it good?

Chicken strips and hashbrowns from work. It wasn't good, but it was free.

3. Why are you so fucking melancholy all the time?

Because life is so big.

4. Why are you so fucking happy all the time?

Because life is so big.

5. You're walking down the street, it's late. A skinny, nervous man with desperation in his eyes and holes in his teeth offers to sell you an expensive bicycle for $20. what do you do?

I'd yell "Hey! That's my bike! You stole it, you bike theif!" And then I'd knock him down and ride away on the bike. I would later either donate it to a bike co-op, or post an ad on craigslist saying that I had retreived a stolen bike, and that if they could describe it, they could get it back. I run into these people all the time, and next time, if the guy is alone, I'm gonna do just that, because stealing a bike is the greatest sin you could ever commit.

6. Does your back hurt?

nope, but my shoulder's a bit sore.

7. What do you hate most about George W Bush?

grrrr.. fuckin.;lf gjdfgioj nkmdfgiojdf EVERYTHING.

8. What is your favorite Beer? Favorite kind of sushi? Favorite beer to drink with sushi?

Fat Tire amber Ale, and Salmon Sashimi. I never drink beer with sushi, but I was hoping that somebody would read this and recommend a good Japanese beer.

9. I have time to read one more book before I die. You get to choose which book it should be. What should I read?

Of course I get to choose, it's me who's dying. I'll finish Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, because I'm already 100 pages into it, and it's really good.

10. What are you listening to? Do you really like that crap? Are you singing along to it? I command you to dance.

Birds Chirping, I love it. I'd sing along, but I don't know the words. funny, even though I've commanded myself to dance, I still don't feel the urge to.

11. Are you dancing?

No.

12. It Jeopardy time. You provide the questions, got it?

"It Jeopardy time."?? What the fuck? You know, if I wasn't you, I'd say that you've got some really retarded typing skills.

13. The mating rituals of pandas.

In terms of frequency and selectivity, what is an accurate parallel to my sex life.

14. A bucket of blood.

What is a short lyric from a Nick Cave song that I can't remember the title of?

15. 12, but 3 of them weren't real.

How many dreams did you have last night?

16. Back, and to the left.

Where's the bathroom? What was the trajectory of JFK's head as described in the movie JFK?

17. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, the early years.

What was Death's out of left-field guess when Station, Marilyn Monroe, Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, and others were playing charades in heaven?

18. A drop of semen and an uncomfortable expression.

What is the worst birthday present you could possibly give somebody?

19. "I just farted."

"What's that smell?"

20. Jeopardy time is over. Why aren't you dancing?

because it's 5 o'clock in the fucking morning and I just waited on bitchy, whiney, unhappy tables for almost 8 hours.

21. I'm not really going to die after all. What else should I read?

all the books you bought at Powell's last week.

22. In case you haven't told me yet, what is your gender, age, location, and favorite porn site? If you've already told me, you can take this opportunity to make yourself a sandwich.

male, 24, Portland. My favorite porn site is my own imaginaion, but my neighbor tells me that the site he is the system administrator for is awesome. I have yet to see this.

23. So, you're making a sandwich, and you have a choice between rye or sourdough bread, when all of a sudden a crazed zombie pirate with rabies jumps out of nowhere and demands your lunchmeats. You contemplate giving him your precious meats, but then you notice a baseball bat at your hip. what do you do?

Well, I've obviously found myself in an action-horror movie, so I'd look right at that sombie pirate asshole, and I'd say "You want some MEAT? Well, MEET my Louisville Slugger!!" And I'd bash him across the face, and more zombies would jump through the windows, and I'd rip them apart with chainsaws, and then I'd kiss the girl, and the music would start playing. duh-duh-duh... brwooo... duh-duh-duh... It would be awesome, and the Louiville Slugger people would pay me some bank for the product placement.

24. What's your best pick-up line? Does it really work? Do you have the illegitimate children to prove it?

"Hi. Let's dance." For dancing, it works. For everything else, being a good dancer works.

25. I've never seen a sunset. Would you describe one for me?

You have to, liar.

26. So, seen any good bukkake lately?

no, but thanks for asking.

27. When's the last time you helped a friend move?

It's been awhile.

28. How many states, provinces, and/or countries have you visited?

California, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Nebraska, Texas, Arizona, Wyoming, Oregon, Washington, New Mexiceo, British Columbia, and whatever part of Mexico Tijuana is in.

29. Suppose you're given an extra hour in every day, but you have to do the same thing in that hour every day. What are you going to do with it?

read.

30. Should there really be a question 30?

no

lostwithzeal's comment on this survey: This is the best survey in the world!

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