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Dissonance.

Our lives leave leading tones hanging in the air, never resolving to the tonic. The ear never forgets these unkept promises, so the heart compensates by telling the brain that this is what life is--dissonance. We get so used to the heart-ache and the unending anticipation that resolution would be perceived as an absudity.

I need a tonic chord. I need the feeling of an ending and a beginning, but life is just hanging on, promising something that will never be.

I met a girl last night and told her I was moving to l.a. She said "you're going to be very sad," in a matter-of-fact way that I could not disagree with. Unlike most people in Portland, she had nothing bad to say about Southern California, which made her statement all the more piercing.

I noticed today I have one advantage over most other people who go to Los Angeles to work in "the industry," I don't care if I succeed or not. I already have a good job, and as for connections that will allow me to do other fun things, they will come, or they won't and if all I get out of this experience is getting out of this experience, then I will be happy.

I was happy for the few days I was in l.a. I'm not busy enough here, and being back only reminds me of everything I will miss.

I've been going through my things and figuring out what I can throw away. I found one of the first songs I ever recorded bass and synth on. I was quite proud of it at the time, but now I can't even listen to it. [Note to self: In order to avoid future embarassment, do not play bass for any industry people unless they ask you to. In fact, don't even mention that it's something you do until you've practiced daily for months.]

I'm supposed to bike to meet people for a last weekend in town salmon cookout, but it keeps on raining and raining...