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I read through her diary, fearing that by doing so I was attempting to relive the past. Once I got to the parts about me, however, I realized that the reason for this excercize was the reminder that I do not want to.

Why read diaries? I would much prefer a good book. Right now, I am reading Chaos, by James Gleick. All quotes in this entry are taken from it. I haven't felt this connected to what I was reading in a long time. I read each chapter twice. Once to understand, and another time to relive the beauty. I had similar feelings about Godel, Escher, Bach, by Douglas Hofstadter, another math-intensive text. I am actually considering being a mathematics major when I go back to school.

"The bifurications appeared, then chaos--and then, within the chaos, the little spikes of order, ephemeral in their instability. Fleeting bits of periodic behavior."

I don't know where this feeling came from, or what it is. All I know is that it has something to do with her. I thought I understood it once, and it tore me apart. I know not to make that mistake again. Why now? There's nothing to which I can attribute this feeling, other than Chaos. If I were an impartial observer who could read my thoughts, I might classify it as obsession, but it feels more like a need for good conversation. For some reason, every time I decide to forget her forever, something tells me that would be a bigger mistake than any attempt to rekindle a freindship that may not have existed in the first place.

"...for him, the simple equations could not represent reality perfectly. He knew they were just metaphors--so he began to wonder how widely the metaphors could apply."

I must admit, I still don't have a concrete grasp of what chaos theory is, but reading about these early experiments that brought about the development of it reminds me of high school days when I would spend hours punching numbers into equations on my graphing calculator and trying to make sense of the pictures it showed me. I can't wait to take a math class again, or at least retrieve my graphing calculator from her house.