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I drink fairly regularly, sometimes I drink a lot. I don't consider myself an alchoholic, only a chronic drinker. I understand the addictive qualities of alchohol, and I know that I am putting myself in danger of alchoholism by continuing to regularly consume it, but sometimes I just don't care.

For the most part, I drink to escape reality. It's been a pretty rough year for me. I came to the full realization of this when I ran into Rob at the Cinco de Mayo party. We had lost track of each other upon the chaos that visited each of our lives individualy about a year ago. Seeing him again forced me to create a timeline of events for the last yearly cycle.

1) My roommate killed himself. His girlfriend has been deluding herself with theories of a murder coverup ever since. In hindsight, I can't help but hate myself for not noticing the warning signs. This is when I started drinking a lot.

2) I had to drop out of school due to my parent's refusal to pay tuition. The refusal to pay tuition actually happened well before #1, but the dropping out came at the end of the semester which I still owe PSU about $2000 for. I was homeless for awhile due to lack of student housing, but soon found a room with friends and a job to support myslef.

3) I was fired from my job as a fundraiser for a political organization. I still suspect foul-play and backstabbing.

4) My roommates, who were once very close friends, made the decision to steal my bass guitar, because they did not believe my claim that I would soon have money to pay rent. I got my bass back, but have not talked to them, or anybody that assosciates with them since.

5) A close friend of mine was deported because the INS wouldn't renew his student visa. His only hope was that he would not have to return to Iran, the homeland he feared. Although he was an atheist, and knew I was agnostic, he asked me to pray for him.

5) Rather than make any attempt to counteract my former roommates' suspicion, I decided to turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy and used the money that I had recently received and planned on paying them to go to Canada and drink myself into oblivion for nine days straight. This was a very good time, the hightlight of my year.

6) Months of hopeless unemployment and depression.

7) Unable to find a job in Portland, I actually took a job that my brother offered me in L.A. When I got there, I was told by the owners of the business that I would be paid less than my brother had promised me, and that I would be doing a completely different job. Despite this, I enjoyed the job. Although some parts of Los Angeles living were refreshing, I felt as if I was regressing in my life. I knew it was not the place for me. After two and a half months, I finally saved up enough money to get back to Portland.

8) This one is pretty simple: moved back to Portland, got a job. Skipping a few minor details, this accounts for the last 5 months. Everything was fine, until a few days ago, when I ran into Rob. I found out that our friend who had issues with the INS was not able to get a visa to live in Greece as he had hoped, and that he had been forced to go back to Iran, where he was forced to join the Iranian Army. I mentioned this once before, but then deleted it, because I described it in a way that made my friend sound like a suspected terrorist (which maybe isn't all that innacurate, because that's how the INS views any 20-something male from the middle-east.) All in all, things are good for me, because I'm not being forced into a military that forces it's religous views on you, but knowing that my friend is either in such a position, or in prison for attempting to avoid it scares me.

Looking at the list I have created, it seems that #8 (which accounts for more time than any of the others) is not a good excuse for drinking heavily. Despite this, that is how I drink.