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I can't believe this. The porch of the apartment across the parking lot from my desk is spurting out flames from all sides. It looks like the whole place is going to burn to ashes from here. The entire fifth and sixth floors will soon be engulfed in flames, and everybody will have to move out and start their pursuit of material possesions from scratch. When the fire trucks get here, the fourth floor will probably also end up being ruined by all of the water that drips down from the fifth. I wonder if the residents or the owners of the complex will get screwed over more. It's gotta be the residents. I wonder if I'll be able to find a good slightly damaged coffee table tomorrow.

Should I dial 911? Hmmm... I think I see somebody on the phone over there... standing right next to the flames! Are they trapped on the balcony? It's five stories up, I hope he's gonna be okay. He's looking over here at me looking back at him. What's he thinking, does he expect me to do something? Is there some way that I can save this guy that I don't know about? He looks hopelessly trapped, I hope he doesn't jump. Why is he still looking at me? I don't want me to be his last dying thought. No, dude, think about how beautiful it all was, think about your family, and how much they mean to you. Focus on whatever religious or spiritual belief can hold your consciousness together until the flames engulf you, and I have to look away. Or, think about all the great sex you've had, and all of the stupid stunts you've pulled, or any other number of enjoyable details of your life, what they are I couldn't guess. Regret nothing, and remember how exciting it was to just be alive, but please stop looking at me, because I don't know how I could help you unless you give me some sort of signal, or something. Should I call 911?

Wait a sec, what's he doing, he's opening a beer!?!? Hmmm, that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll go get one too, but why is he drinking beer while the building is burning? and now somebody else is coming outside?

Oh.

I see.

That's the biggest damn barbecue fire I've ever seen.

Not to mention a total disappointment of an apartment fire.

This is boring